Aufweidersehen

Well folks, after a lot of thought I've decided to move over to myspace. I prefer blogger, but here I only have one reader (thanks Laura) and one of the reasons I started this blog was so that my friends could keep up with what I was doing. Because myspace is just so easy I find that more people are inclined to read what I write there. Yeah-that's pathetic. No-it shouldn't be that difficult to check this page every once in a while. But such is life I guess.

I might be back from time to time, but I doubt it.

*waves farewell*

I suppose I should write about what happened. At 4 am on Saturday morning a fire started in my moms bedroom at our family house in Houston. The house burned to the ground. My cousin Jimmy was able to escape, but my mom was killed in the fire. Everything was lost. I loved my mom-she has always been one of my best friends, and a rock in my life. I always thought she would be there, and I honestly don't know how to cope with the thought that I am never going to see her again-talk to her, hug her, laugh with her, argue with her-nothing. I found out Sunday and flew home Monday. I'll be here for a month, and then I am moving back to Houston in July.

Everyone says that I am strong-that I am handeling this well, but I don't know what any of that means. I don't feel strong. I feel helpless and lost. I am in the middle of my worst nightmare and I don't know how to deal with it because there isn't any escape. I can't sleep. I am constantly nasuaus. I try not to cry around my cousins because when I break down they do. They're pretty much the only family I have left. The investigation is still going on even though the arson investigator told me that it was an "undetermined accedental fire" but until they're through they can't release the house or my moms body to the family. Which is me.

I haven't been able to bring myself to go by the house yet. I was on the way there, but I broke down in the car and told my friend not to go. I am frightened-I need to see it, but I am terrified to go there. Eventually I am going to have to dig through the ash to see if there is anything that can be salvaged-I don't know how I am going to get through that. I don't know how I am going to get through any of this.

There are "issues" with the insurance. Too many to go into. I am going to a meeting in an hour to try and figure some things out.

I am tired of typing, but I thought I should type some of this out.

Greetings from Salzburg!

Well, this trip was pretty last minute because I had all that time off that I am not spending in he states. So, I decided that I would get out of Garmisch for a bit. I did get my hair cut before I left-it's shorter and I really really like it. I'll post pics when I get back. I spent Wednesday in Munich-I went to the ballet, but it was so terrible I left during the second intermission. I got a manicure the next day and saw Ice Age 2. I checked into my hostel here in Salzburg last night. They were showing The Sound of Music for free so I watched that before going to bed.

Today I got up early and saw soooo much! I took full advantage of my Salzburg Card and saw Hohensalzburg Fortress, the Cathedral, the Residence (though the state rooms were closed) Mozarts Birthplace, Collegiate Church, and the Holy Trinity Church (but only the outside because it was closed) I had lunch at a nice little outdoor cafe, and spent some time in the park-like area in front of the last church. Tomorrow I am doing the Sound of Music tour because Eithne said it was worth the expense, and going up to Hellbrun Palace where I might check out the zoo just because I am in the area.

It's been a good, laid-back mini vacation thus far. My paid account with Flickr ends on the first of May so expect a giant influx of pics there the second I get back-I plan on posting a few hundred while I can.

Also, birthday wishes to Teri and Jimmy!

After I Woke Up Yesterday....

...I spent 10 minutes looking for my glasses. Then I realized I was already wearing them.

So my leave for July (my birthday trip) was denied-that was my fault for waiting so long to ask. My leave for June (Portugal?) August (trip with Katy) and November (10 days in Thailand) was approved though-so I guess it all works out in the end.

Edit for personal reasons.

My surgery was denied. I am not having it next week or any other time this year. I was able to cancel my ticket to Houston and get credit with United Airlines to use anytime before next March.

:(

I am doing a little better since my last post-I've stopped crying anyway. I am going to keep calling my insurance company, but I am more resigned to my fate now than anything else. I applied for a job in accounting a while back, but found out today that I didn't get it. This information really isn't phasing me at all. I am not sure if that is because I already knew I was the least qualified person who applied, or if it just doesn't seem that important with regards to everything else that's going on at the moment. I like my current job-I enjoy working with the people I do, I like my shift, and I feel safe saying that my supervisor and manager are the two best in the whole of the hotel-they're truly fantastic.

I could definitely use some extra prayer this week-not just for this surgery to come through, but for strength and understanding if and when it doesn't. I've been very prone to anger recently, and that is not an aspect of my personality I wish to dwell in for long.

I'll update with news when I have it even though I think Laura is the only one who bothers reading this anymore. Thanks Laura-it's nice to know at least one person is still out there.

It looks like my surgery is either not going to get approved, or not get approved in time. I am scheduled to have surgery on the 19th-that's two weeks from today. I just got off the phone with my insurance company, and after talking to three different people all they could tell me was that they didn't know, but that it was most likely going to take four weeks to decide anything. I do not have four weeks. Even if it did get approved I am not able to get leave again so soon. Not to mention the $600 I am losing on the plane ticket I bought.

I am so thankful that I am off tonight. I am going to go drown my sorrows in a bottle of cheap wine, and cry-a lot.